Heart Strings Pulled

So the last week has been an emotional one for me. I have started a new job that I absolutely think I am going to LOVE!, I have met with Brendan's medical team and we have a concrete plan for the next few months, My husband has been so super supportive in everything BUT........ I have missed friends and know I am going to miss them more.

My family likes to camp. It is a statement and it's true. We are not going to change. We like to go away planned and spur of the moment ( although this is a little hard with the rest of our lives obligations) If you hear we are camping somewhere and want to join us COME! We have a very large open door policy. We have lots of friends and would love to see you if you want to come. We don't call every single friend every time we camp to say Hey you want to join us? We ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS camp the May long , Aug long and Sept long. If you want COME! You are our friends and don't need an invite :D Chances are you won't see us at a campsite anywhere during Stampede.

May long marked a change as some friends we have spent a few years camping with are changing their lifestyle. I'm going to miss camping with them. We will still see them, hang with them, visit with them but it won't be the same without the woods and the campfires.

Why did I write this quick blog? I don't know but I feel good that I did.

Another Step Up towards the top

About 1 week before Christmas we met with Brendan's "team" They decided that yes we should continue with the ODD clinic referral, we should see his regular pediatrician for medication management and that Dr F would see him to look at the anxiety issues because as Dr G said "We have spent lots of time now with B but we just can't figure out what is going on with him. He has lots of pieces that make him up." REALLY??? THAT was supposed to be news to us??? NOT!!!

So the long awaited appointment for the ODD clinic was last Thursday. The assessment was amazing. We met with Dr R and his team, talked for a bit, they reflected while B got a break from the room then the adults met while he got to play, they reflected again, then B got to go to the playroom with them for a bit for observation. Boy did they ever know my kiddo well breaking it up like that.

Outcome: Brendan likely doesn't have ODD but again Dr R (who is a psychiatrist) wondered about autism. Brendan has so many autistic traits but when it comes to the social aspects guess what? HE HAS NONE! Not again that this was news to us. Dr R says we will constantly be asked by many professionals if he has autism and guess what a lot of works for autistic kids will work for B!!! Dr R feels B needs some intense Occupational Therapy (OT) to help him learn to process sensory input. I know that to many that seems far fetched and out there but my best description to you as to what my child is going through on a bad day is: Get in the shower turned on full blast, now add a music again full blast, walk across nails, while thunder is going on in the back ground and lights are flashing. His brain can't process all the sensory stuff. Headphones can work well, heavy "jobs" can work well, watching TV upside down works well and chewing works well. But he has to be able to function in life. School is difficult for him. Academically no issues in fact they are actually doing testing to see how far advanced he really is to tailor his academics so he is not bored. A classroom of 19 other children who all interact differently with the world is a challenge. Dr R said that if we can raise his "reactivity threshold"---because his ADHD is not a lack of attention/focus- it's more that his impulsivity/hyperactivity doesn't fall in line with his reactivity point. So more meds...... This is huge some of the meds have a high tendency to trigger diabetes STOP!!! That scares me a lot. Diabetes runs high on both sides of the family. We will have to explore further.

Dr R also wants the anxiety stuff examined more. We see Dr F on Thursday and hopefully will come up with a plan for the next few months on what we can do and we can get an OT referral.

Dr R asked what we as parents were hoping for out of all that we were doing. I got a bit emotional (no surprise there) and said it would be really nice to "do" all the things you see other families do: travel, go out for meals, go to movies, games. These are really hard for B and if I could figure out how to help him cope some of this could be done more freely.

The prayer I offer up is that through all of this Tim and I will come through together on the other side. It's not easy. It's hard. I love my husband and my kids. I am proud of who they are and want to help each of them reach the potential I know they have!

FALL= FAMILY TIME

What a crazy fall. From TYC auditions to hockey to Guides and Beavers dance and Tim's business I'm not sure how we have all survived. Then Tim's birthday week has been NUTS!!! things every night including his Wednesday night weekend..... (another story for another day) but I truly can't believe how quickly it has gone and that next weekend is Halloween.

I have realized this weekend what has been missing in my life and what I have been searching for. I have spent tons of time over the last month with very good friends but I have neglected my family. Tonight was the first time that we sat down and ate a great meal together, watched a movie and enjoyed some great cuddles. It was an ahha moment for me to remember that this is what I love about my kids and husband. It reminded me how precious it is and how much we all need it.

I challenge you all to have a family night, make it regular, plan a fun activity and plan it regularly. I have realized that we as a family need to do it and I have planned the next one :)

About My Life Right Now

Things have been really tough over the summer. Yes we have had some amazing times and great memories as a family but there have also been some difficult challenges. I decided I needed to do something to help me overcome them because they were really wearing me down and I was losing "focus and control" so to say. I called our EFAP and set up a meeting with a counsellor. It really helped and it was just the first meeting. My homework was to write a letter about my life.... however I wanted. So that is what I am doing. My goal to myself is to take time every other day to share how I am doing with myself. I have to make that time because if I don't then I can't check it and allow myself time to process and cope with life.

Tim and I had a rough summer.... He was working so hard for us all that he would leave at 830am to go off for courier and then book 2-4 jobs a night for Toolz in Motion. I am so proud of him and how hard he is working to get his business off the ground and it is really working. I think back to last Christmas when he bought the truck and think wow is this going to work??? It is !!!! He has almost enough customers to start decreasing the number of days he does courier. All of this hard work though has meant we as a couple have suffered. We were angry, frustrated and upset with each other most of the time. We took a night though while both kids were out and talked .... It was good. We were able to share and get off our chests what was going on and just tell each other we still loved the other. Now we move on. Another hurdle behind us. So now our goal is to try at least once a week to talk and communicate what is going on so that we both feel like we have the other. This is good.

Alyssa..... wow tweenie attitude ....... and she is now an Apprentice with The Young Canadians of the Calgary Stampede. The thought for me is daunting. I am a little worried about time committment here; we will have to see how it works out. In the meantime it would be nice if Justin Beeber (?sp) didn't also live with us lol but it has begun. It would be nice if we could find her bedroom floor a few times a week, her homework was done and her laundry didn't just go from folding to the laundry bin when I scoop clothes off the floor not knowing if they are dirty. But she is growing and beginning to be more responsible. For this I am thankful.

Brendan has made some amazing progress and regression this summer. He is starting to really click into the pre warnings for upcoming transitions which hopefully will make most of our days easier. He is chewing again constantly and losing chewies... sigh... I guess I should just buy a 30 day supply. At least FSCD has given us a bit of a clothing allowance to replace his shirts as he chews off zippers, buttons, and generally ruins the cuffs and collars. Behaviour...... Social skills need work..... he melts down so quickly. I wish I could figure out how to prevent this and what are his triggers. We did a social story book with photos of him and feelings..... Not sure if it is working. Praise seems to really help. Saying all of this though doesn't help when the medical professionals have the opposite opinion. Without saying the psychologist's name (lets call her Dr Consult) Dr Consult sat in a room with us and Brendan for 2 hrs (a 10x10 room) with no breaks for B and said wow how have you slipped through the cracks? how has it taken so long for you to be here in front of me? I think I know what is going on! We were pleased thinking she had an idea of what was really the core of the problem and what we could do to fix it. Her letter to us: She described Brendan (we agreed with all of it) and then said really it is because of you as his parent's he is this way. End of consult no followup!!! Thanks Dr Consult we sooooo appreciated this NOT!!!! Then we get the year end report from school and Dr Behaviour from there (who is also a psychologist) who has spent hours and hours with B at school says we are seeing exactly what you are seeing and we are concerned. We think he needs followup with a psychologist/behaviour consultant! Ok now what to do??? We will talk to the school and see if they can help facilitate. School! Brendan seems to be settling into grade one. He doesn't talk about any kids in particular but says he likes grade one and the bus ride. I can't wait for a parent conference to see how it is really going.

I think I have said all that I needed to say for now and for those who are following. Thanks for reading this long drawn out homework of mine. I give thanks that you are reading it because I know I am supported! Hugs to you all.

Nicole

When Life Throws a Curve Ball

Well we all survived Stampede! It was an amazing week and we had a fantastic time. Alyssa won the smile award for the juniors on Thursday night. I won two sets of rodeo tickets and a bag of Stampede Merchandise. Tim won a cabana party for 25 of us---details to come on this and Brendan won $5 coupon on Flames FanAttic (he thinks he gets to go to a Flames game).... All in all a great Stampede. Family visited and special memories made.

All during this Brendan started eating like a horse. It all started around Canada Day. He regularily ate 2 hamburgers while he was away camping and asked for extra steak! We all know that this is not usual for Brendan because he HATES MEAT!!! It has always been a struggle to get him to eat. So here I thought wow! I guess we are going to see a turn around in weight even with some decrease in appetite initially with his meds for impulsivity and hyperactivity. WRONG WRONG WRONG!

I was shocked to almost tears when I learned at his appointment today (just to renew his medication) when they did his standard weight he has lost almost an entire kilogram 2 lbs!!!!! WHAT????? Now what??? The locum referred us to the dietician but I don't know..... When I dropped him off at his dayhome and said if you can give him extra butter, sauces , high calories that would be awesome I will send it if you need me too she says "Well he has been looking really scrawny lately!!" Are we the only ones who didn't notice? I thought he was doing well....... So now to move on figure out a way to stop the weight loss and increase the weight!

Tim and I are taking Brendan to the psychiatrist with the Alberta Children's Hospital Developmental Clinic tomorrow. This is a long awaited visit. We know Brendan has anxiety but why? is it a mood disorder? is it caused by something on the autism specturm? My gut--- autism spectrum. Even our FSCD worker asked me in the middle of her first meet of Brendan.... I'm sorry to ask this and I hope I don't offend you but has anyone looked at something on the autism spectrum for Brendan? Geesh well I have once or twice but who am I just his mother??? Hopefully Dr Anxiety Guru will come up with something or at least come up with a way to figure it all out.

BUTTTTTTT you know what? My kids are who they are and I am very proud of them! A very close friend today reminded me about acceptance and how important it was to remember to accept and love our kids for who they are! Thanks.

Stampede Time

I have been told a few times that I would enjoy blogging. So tonight I decided to give it a try........ First I am a little nervous about it and not sure really where to start but here goes. I think it will be good to have a place just to write out my feelings and thoughts, update family and friends and keep a log of our life as a family.

The posts over the next bit will be sporadic, and focus around STAMPEDE. I don't think anyone realizes just how busy a time of year this is for us. Today started at 1145 to ensure she was ready to go on stage for 1pm. It included a dinner break from 430-6pm with three 11-12 yr olds. Who BTW made me walk behind them while singing and dancing down the street to Timmy's and back! THEN dismissal at 945pm!!! Yahoo! Juniors were released 15 min early. Then the trek to the truck and hauling the tired kid home for snack and bed. Then I got energized??? and this is how this blog started......

Today I watched with pride as my little girl (who's not so little anymore I'm realizing) hit every cue, executed every turn and was sharp sharp sharp as the choreographer demanded. She had a smile as wide as the stage as she did it all. I was so proud and tears welled up.

I remember her first auditions 5 years ago..... she had just turned 7 about 2 weeks before auditions. It was her dream to be a Young Canadian with the Calgary Stampede..... that's what she had always wanted since she was 2 1/2 yrs old. Sadly it wasn't her year. But every year since then has been! Tonight she looked like she was performing for a crowd of 25,000 plus like she will for 10 nights straight. Tonight she shone like the star she is! Tonight she was amazing! Tonight she made me realize that she has grown so much and she is so dedicated to TYC! Tonight she was the star of the show for me!

Love you Alyssa

Mommy